What Was Old Is Nou (As Written)

What Was Old is Nou: Nouveau Burlesque
By Chris Carney

You remember your first time. Your hands trembled, your eyes widened to moon sized eclipses and your breathing became the ragged gasping of the beastly. You slapped yourself to check against the dreaming, or if you we’re lucky your alpha did it for you. You reached the brink, the knife-edge between life and something other. Cloth parted, as buttons, zippers and the occasional ill-advised strip of Velcro were prized open. Soft and warm, the fragrant smell of desire reached your nostrils. It drank you in, dousing you in the nervous fire of the forbidden.

Presumably, there have been many sorties since then, some bland and regrettable, others that shattered the rigid definitions of propriety. Yet, lacking forever more is the ozone zap of newness, the ecstatic terror of bumbling across the threshold into grown-up-ville for that initial taste of the beautifully illicit. Once the home run rush of rounding the bases grabbed a hold, the through cloth fondle lost its bite.

Today, celebulloid sex romps, one click pornography and armies of male enhancers smother us under a carpet-bombing of sensory overload. Turgid, we stand at attention, frantic for a release that is ever less satisfactory. Excess has blunted us to the peppery tang of the game plied slowly.

Yet, hidden under our duvet of sexual blasé, perhaps triggered by the idle fondling of a lingerie catalog, is a half remembered craving for the tease.

Where lace, satin and the odd bit of leather may stir tantalizing memoirs of our carnal initiators, the true masters of the tease are the priestesses of the born again art of burlesque. Come; join our expedition into their jungle-cleared temples to find that the old is new once more.



Crazy Girls
You’ve likely already seen these girls thong split assets. Glistening at you in print ads, perched atop the cab you took from the airport, and dominating the skyline, lying in wait to climb down and engage in some kind of Godzilla inspired battle of sexiness before returning to their billboard lair.

Head over to the Riviera where you can fondle the girl’s bronzed backsides for luck. Just make sure it’s the statue you’re grabbing.

Fantasy
Deep in the pyramid of Luxor intrepid explorers of all things risqué will come across the girls of Fantasy who bring the art of imaginative sensuality to its limits, while engaging in some of the most classic “fantasies,” including sexy secret agent, workplace romance and lusting after the cowboy.

Choreographed by the ex Mr. J. Lo, Cris Judd, Fantasy’s mix of seduction, singing and comedy is best for couples.

Follies Bergere
This show is the classics of classics. The Follies first appeared on stage about the time cavemen began to realize that they no longer needed to club their women. A quick mastodon ride to the Tropicana earned them a night of sensual bliss unseen in their dank, dripping caves.

The show is anything but ancient. The traditional Can-Can has never been steamier, the Latin Mambo will engender thoughts of running for the border and the gorgeous women will remind even the most stalwart of their animal sensuality.

Pussycat Doll Club
If you haven’t drooled over, oops, heard of this gorgeous troop of hip shimmying ladies, you’re still living in a deep hole, under a rock in the above mentioned cave, or you’re a stuck up prig.

Representing the newest of the new, The Pussycat Dolls often have special guests that top every guy’s most lusted after list and if it gets to hot step over to Pure for a chilling cocktail.

Ivan Kane’s Forty Deuce/Royal Jelly
This one’s a two-fer, as the show changes depending on which day of the week your seeking forbidden pleasures. The speakeasy vibe drifts about you in slow cigarette smoke curls. Most nights you’ll be whisked back to the 20’s with hot jazz and smoking dancers who almost show the goods.

Raise the volume on Thursday’s when the Forty Deuce goes harder, with Royal Jelly, the edgiest rock n’ roll burlesque show on the strip.